


Im having sex with a ghost by Teddy Hyde

by regular69



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Death, Gay, Ghosts, M/M, Masturbation, Mentions of Suicide, Mutual Masturbation, cronus is a jerk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-23
Updated: 2020-08-07
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:28:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25457803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/regular69/pseuds/regular69
Summary: Cronkri but Kankri is a ghost, from cronus’ point of view. This is mainly just a set up for porn, but im probably gonna get waaaay too into it. anyway follow my instagram _regular69__tags will be added as needed
Relationships: Cronus Ampora/Kankri Vantas
Comments: 13
Kudos: 43





	1. Chapter 1

huerbb

“Yeah I don’t really believe in ghosts.” you say before the cold hands completely block your airway.

He doesn’t choke you for long though, cause your family would get suspicious if you suddenly died. Also if you died there would be two ghosts trapped in the house, and with how much he hates you, you’re pretty sure he doesn’t want that.

“I swear i’ve seen shit move by itself!” Eridan argues. “It’s either ghosts or angels.”

“The whole ‘life after death’ thing seems kind of fake, don’t ya think?” a chill goes through your spine and settles in your teeth. “I mean, if ghosts existed, don’t you think we’d have discovered them by now?”

“well ghost aren’t dumb,” Eridan rolls his eyes like this is very obvious information.

“I mean they must’ve been dumb enough to get killed.” you swear you see the lights flicked, just barely.

“What if its a murder thing! like, if you die in a violent way, you become a ghost?”

“Would you like to test that theory?” 

He grins. “Sure, let me get my gun and afterwards you’ll tell me how it went.” 

The constant chill in your body and the feeling of cold hands everywhere is quickly becoming painful, and since you’re not about to apologize to the angry ghost, you’ve gotta find a way to leave the room.

So you leave the room. It really is that simple.

You lock the door of your room and look around. You haven't ever actually seen the ghost, but it doesn’t hurt to try.

The slap to your face sends you stumbling, mostly out of surprise. You turn to face where you think he is.

“Dude, what the hell?”

He slaps you again, but you’re prepared for this one. “Seriously it's like you’re mad at me or something,” You chuckle.

A can of soda wobbles, which means he's screaming. For some reason he can create wind, but not sound. It’s very confusing and you really just try not to think about it too much.

“Dude you have seriously got to get that temper checked out, you’ll burst a blood vessel.”

There's not a reason you choose to torment him, but it's just so much fun to make him mad. This dude freaks out at the smallest details. Talking about his death is especially a sore spot.

Oh, would you look at that. He’s choking you again. You know he won’t kill you (or at least think he won't) but that doesn't stop it from absolutely burning.

You swing your arms and clock him square in the jaw. Well, that's a guess of course. But it sure felt like a jaw. 

You’re not sure if he can feel pain, but he can definitely feel, and you can feel oxygen back in your lungs as he recoils.

You quickly start feeling the air, trying to find him again, maybe pin him to the ground (which isn't very fun when he can’t even talk) when you feel the weight hit you from behind, and yep. He’s sitting on top of you. You’d think for a ghost that is invisible and can’t talk, you wouldn’t be able to touch him, and he wouldn’t weigh a metric ton.

“Damn, what do they feed you in ghost heaven?” You feel hot breath hit your face and he’s trying to talk to you. “What, is your weight also a sore spot? Shit is that how you died?” 

More breath in your face. It doesn’t stink, which makes sense, since he hasn’t eaten. He also starts pinching your arm. If he can’t hurt you with his words, physically pain works will have to do.

You’re pretty sure he hates touching. Maybe the whole ghost thing is like some sort of hell. He’s forced to communicate with touch because he hates it so much. You could ask him, but right now he’s trying to rip your arm off.

“Okay damn it was a joke, chill.” You start to squirm, but he’s still not budging.

He grabs your arm and starts to write with his finger.

“Dude I can’t read that.”

He tries writing it again, and again, and again. Its honestly becoming a blur.

“Dude for real, it ain’t workin. Do ya need me to get ya some paper? Maybe some little crayons?”

And then you feel something sharp and cold touch your forearm. 

“Holy fucking shit man what the hell are you doing!” You start frantically bucking and writhing. “That fucking hurts dude are you nuts my dads gonna notice!” 

He’s cutting you up and you’re gonna die. At least that's what you think until he gets off of you. You immediately look at your poor arm, and nearly pass out. It's absolutely soaked in blood.

You run to the bathroom and start freaking out more. “You fucking killed me. Is that what you wanted you fucking prick?”

Movement catches your eye, and you find something being written on the bathroom counter in your blood. 

baby

“Oh yeah well i’d like to see you try to keep calm with your wrist all cut up!”

Oh shit. Wait a fucking moment.

“Unless that's how you died?” You receive a slap on the face after saying that, which vaguely translates to, ‘no.’

“Damn just asking.” You mutter, and quickly learn that cuts on the forearm bleed a lot, even if they aren’t that deep. You learn you are in no danger of dying, and you also learn what he was trying to tell you.

IDIOT is fondly carved into your arm. You snort. “Yeah, thanks for the reminder. You knows thats gonna scar, and now I’m gonna be stuck with ‘idiot’ carved into my wrist?”

You feel his cold fingers trace the IDIOT. And then he traces it again. And again. You take your arm away. “Yeah yeah I got the message. But next time you try to do something like this I’m calling ghostbusters, got it?”

He obviously doesn’t respond. You sign and grab a bunch of tissues to stick to your arm. When you return to your room you find about twenty Hello Kitty Bandaids scattered around the floor. 

“How thoughtful of you. You’re such a nice guy, giving me bandaids after gouging my arms open. Ya gonna give it a kiss too? Some aloe vera?? Seriously, I think you’re the idiot.” You mutter while putting on the bandaids. 

He gives you a light smack to the face, which means: keep talking like that and it’ll happen again.

So after that you shut up. You’re not a pussy or anything, you just know when to quit. 

If someone had told you that in the future you would end up getting physically threatened by a ghost, you probably would’ve asked if shes a hot ghost.

Thats actually what you asked him when he first showed up, and you quickly learned three things: 1) ghosts are real.  
2) he can slap you, and it hurts  
3) he is a boy, and doesn’t like it when you sexualize women

He reminds you of the last thing quite often. Once you opened up pornhub and looked up lesbian porn (cause thats fuckin hot) and he closed the tab and opened an article about why pornhub promotes child pornography, rape, and misogyny. Then he also opened a tab to the 1 Corinthians 6:18 (Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body)

So basically you have a radical, leftist, feminist, christian, short-tempered ghost, that torments you monday through fridays (he probably worships the sabbath or some shit, so at least you’ve got weekends)

You don’t know his name, you don’t know how he died, or why he’s stuck in your house, or why he decided to reveal himself to you.

So basically.

Fu c k


	2. Sex with a ghost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Im adding too much plot to the porn. oh well.

You feel something tap your arm and you groan. “Seriously? Can’t a man just watch his porn in peace?”

He slaps you lightly on the face and taps your arm again. What?

“What do you want me to do?”

He gives you a light shove, and you feel his weight on the space next to you. You scoot over.

“Aw, the little ghosty boy is horny? Did you finally figure out God isn't real?” He smacks you harder this time, but still remains next to you. You shrug and roll your eyes. “Well do you wanna choose?” You hand him your laptop.

He goes to the ‘gay porn’ category. You look at him, or at least try. “Are you gay?”

He doesn’t slap you, which essentially means he’s  
gay.

“Haha dude seriously? Is that how you died did someone kill you for being gay? Or was it AIDS or something-“ you get smacked very hard, but he remains next to you. That's your warning.

You click on some random gay video and tilt the screen towards him. “You like cock and balls? Maybe also dick and nuts?”

He grabs your hand, and you half expect him to start carving something into your skin, but he doesn’t. Instead he put your hand down on his- wait.

“Dude is- are you hard right now??” You stutter as he uses your hand to rub his invisible ghost boner. The texture feels like jeans, so you get the impression he’s wearing invisible ghost jeans, but his dick still don’t really feel like a dick.

“Do you have like a magic ghost dick or something?” You really hope he doesn’t, since you’re 99% sure he’s about to make you jack him off. You’re totally down to help a bro in need of course, but you really don’t want to mess with some tentacle ghost cock.

He starts moving your hand up and under his pants, and you reflexively try to pull away. He immediately lets go. You quirk and eyebrow at him. “You’re not gonna force me?” 

His freezing fingers tap your hand as if to say ‘do you want me to?’

You let him take your hand again (NOT cause ur gay you just want to know what his ghost dick looks like, also this guy haven’t had sex in years and you feel obligated to help him out)

He stick your hands down his pants, and you feel something slimy and cold.

“Dude what the fuck.” You say with a chuckle, trying not to freak out.

You wrap your fingers around his cock and can almost hear him sigh in relief. You start squeezing and stroking. “Yeahh bitch I bet that feels good,”

He taps your mouth with two fingers, meaning shut the fuck up, and you shut the fuck up.

His dick definitely feels like a tentacle. Theres no suction cups or whateva but its slimy and long. Why would the rest of his body be human but not his dick? Whatever. You try not to think about it too much.

Theres still gay porn playing in the back ground, you’re jacking a ghost off, and it kind of feels nice. You really hope Eridan doesn’t try to come in right now.

You feel something cold lift up your shirt and skim the patch of skin below your belly button.

“Oh hell yeah I’m getting a handy out of this too? Hell yeah give it to me doll.”

He gives you a light tap, which translates to keep talking like that and i’ll leave, and then he shoves his hand in your boxers and its cold and you’re already half hard and he grabs your cock and fuck if that doesn’t feel nice.

You’ll admit it, the cold is a downside, but with how often you get laid, this feel downright godly. You let out a low moan, and wonder if hes been moaning this whole time too. You obviously wouldn’t be able to hear it. I bet he moans like a two dollar whore.

You feel the mattress shift underneath you, and you can feel his warm breath on your ear. Why is his breath warm but not his hands? Whatever. He’s breathing right onto your neck. You turn your head, trying to face him, and he kisses you. His lips are room temperature and his teeth hit yours. With your one free hand you grab the side of his face to properly position him. Slight tilt, a little bit of tongue, and he’s fuckin set. 

You can feel him moan into your mouth as he makes to grab your shoulder and pull you closer. You’re being jacked off by a (boy) ghost, and jacking him off, and making out with him. But all you can really think about is his body right now. You’ve never actually been able to feel him. He has short hair that's not soft, but fluffy, and his face feels round. His nose is small and flat, just like his ass, and it feels like he’s wearing a thick sweater. 

He shoves his tongue down your throat and stroke you just right and and presses down into your f spot and you’re falling apart. Yeah. A ghost made you cum, but it doesn’t really matter cause you made him cum too. He’s almost fuckin soaked the bed with it. Why the fuck do ghosts cum so much.

You’re about to ask him why he has a literal bucket of cum, when you hear him sigh. Woah. What? That's new. You try to ask him about it, but your voice doesn’t seem to be working. Post orgasm or something. Whatever. voices are for losers. 

Speaking of losers having voices, the ghost next to you sure is being vocal. He’s humming. Not any songs or anything, just faint noises. You’ve never heard him make noise before, but you’re still baking in that afterglow, so it's not really weird.

The he starts talking, at that's when you start to sit up.

“h-hel-hello,” His voice is gravelly and quiet, and doesn’t really work. 

“What the fuck?” You try to say, but you can’t talk. No fucking way. “Did you steal my fucking voice?” You ask him and no noise comes out.

He laughs. “It worked.” His voice is barely a whisper. “You’re such an idiot and I can tell you.”

You hold up your scarred arm, and mouth “You certainly told me before.” 

“You’re such and idiot why would you have sex with a ghost?” He asks you but you can’t answer. You still can’t see him, but his voice is moving around the room. 

“What am I gonna tell my dad?” You ask him and hopefully he can read your lips. 

“Good luck! I hope you’re good with your hands, although, I already know the answer to that.”

Is he just gonna leave you like this?? He can’t just do this to you! You stand up and your pants start falling down and you start swinging your arms, trying to grab him.

“Have fun, idiot! Oh, now i can even tell you my name, though it’s not like you will be able to say it.” He chuckles. Anger starts boiling through every vein in your body.

“Say goodbye to Kankri!” He says, and then the room goes quiet. He's just gone, and he took your voice. Can he take your body too? You just wanted some rad sex with a ghost, not all this. 

Do you get your voice back if you fuck him again? Or would he take your body? Either way, he probably won’t have sex with you again. You trace the IDIOT on your arm. 

Seriously, who fucks ghosts???


	3. Im getting hickies from my bedbugs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> im not sure if the sex is actually written well i  
> am  
> just very tired and board but  
> please tell me if  
> it was sexy or not

Eridan came into your room after you dropped the fifth book on your desk, but you shot him double birdies and he promptly left. 

Kankri showed up after the twelfth drop.

“I know you cannot currently talk, but I hope you do not mind me asking what exactly you are planning to accomplish by making such a ruckus.” His voice is directly behind you.

You pull out a white board that you found in Eridans room, with a marker of course, and write “Give me back my fucking voice you piece of shit.”

He erases the swear words. “You really shouldn’t use such vulgar language, its childish and-“

You lunge at where you think he is, and hit him pretty solid, but he floats away before you can grab him.

“Stop acting like a baby, i’ll obviously give your voice back eventually. You really shouldn’t be so selfish I haven’t had a voice in years. Sharing is caring, you know.”

You pick up the white board and write “FUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOU”

He grabs the white board and holds it up in the air. “I’ll give you back your voice after I lay down some ground rules.” He starts writing on the board. “1) No more jokes about my death. It’s extremely triggering and I really don’t appreciate it. 2) You’re not allowed to flirt with me-“

You throw your arms up in the air, trying to say “You literally grabbed my cock!” You hear him scoff at you.

“Unfortunately the intimate moment I shared with you is the only way for me to be able to talk. Yes, we will have to do that all again before you can get your voice back.” He sounds nauseous just talking about it. “But that doesn’t mean you’re allowed to flirt with me. Unwanted sexually and romantic comments can be triggering, and I will not tolerate it. 3) Use less foul language.”

You mouth “fuck” and he slaps you. How is him slapping you okay, but you flirting with him not? He’s gonna give you trauma.

“These will be the rules for now, but more will be added as needed.” 

A heavy silence fills the air. He’s supposedly supposed to give you your voice back. Which means you’ve gotta fuck.

You start taking off your shirt and unbuckling your belt. You’re not gay or anything, but you’re also not about to say no to sex (and you need ur voice back)

You hear a disgusted sigh. Kankri could be naked right now and you would have no idea. Wait can he see himself? Whatever. Try not to think about it. 

And you’re not thinking about it because he’s unzipping your pants and damn you’re already getting hard. Sex just feels so good. 

You sit down on the corner of your bed, (cause ur NOT about to stand for an entire blow job) and let Kankri take the lead. He obviously doesn’t know what he’s doing, and probably doesn’t want to, so you get the fucking privlegde of showing him what to do. 

You whip ur cock out and start stroking in, making sure to show him all of the really good spots, and how to make them feel good. 

His mouth is still room temperature, and his tongue seems lost, but he’s got a huge mouth and soft lips. 

Your hands find his hair and slide through it. What the fuck does he have horns? You start feeling them, because what the fuck, and he pulls off your dick.

“Rule number four, don’t mess with the horns, or ask about them.”

You let go and hold your hands up in surrender, and he goes back to sucking you off. He’s not really taking a whole lot of you in his mouth, but you’re afraid to push him too far. Hahahaha no you’re not.

You find his hair again and thread your fingers through it (holy SHIT he just figured out how to use his tongueeee hot DAMN that felt nice…) You start pushing his head, encouraging him to take the rest of your dick. You make sure to avoid his horns though.

Update: ghosts have gag reflexes. He coughs and mutters some complaints before saying “Rule number five, you’re not allowed to be in charge of any of our sexual encounters. If I’m not in control, I’ll leave.”

Your eyes go wide and you quickly put your hands up. You’re so close to cumming, you just need him to finish you right now c’mon dude just a little more suck.

He places a hand on your chest and pushes you down so you’re laying flat on the bed, practically laying on top of you. He starts sucking on your neck, which feels GREAT actually, and he also starts rubbing his crotch on yours. 

All coherent thoughts leave your brain when he does this. You’re so close to finishing and he’s just barely teasing you. You fucking hate this guy, but damn if it doesn’t feel so good. 

The pressure in your gut releases, cum covering Kankri’s pants, and you’re too dazed to even notice a thing. 

Your arms are wrapped around his neck and you’re so sweaty and he’s so cold, and you could honestly just fall asleep. 

You’re pretty sure you dozed off a little before Kankri tried to move, which of course caught your attention.

“Sorry,” you mutter and let go of him, watching your cum stain on his pants float into the arm.

He doesn’t respond and hey! that's right you got your voice back. Obviously, you wouldn’t have done all that just for fun (though it did feel nice…)

The floating cumstain disappears and you start to wonder where Kankri goes when he’s not in your room? Does he just sit on the roof of the house or something? Whatever. You slump back into bed, buck naked, and promptly fall asleep.

The next morning your dad asks about the hickies on your neck. You mutter something about bed bugs. 

“Damn the only girls who want their mouths on you are bugs,” Eridan says, but that doesn’t actually hurt your feelings, cause its dumb.

Porrim asks you how you managed to give yourself hickies. You tell her its an allergic reaction to a bad perfume.

You later tell Rufioh that you got into a bad fight with a vacuum. 

And its still more believable than saying ‘a ghost who stole my voice had to give it back to me with sex’


	4. wait i forgot what this chapter is about

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> if this doesn't make a whole lot of sense its cause i wrote this at midnight after i watched a bunch of scary videos and now i cant sleep. wait i just realized the reason ive been super paranoid is cause i didnt take my pills. Thanks AO3 for reminding me. take yo pills yall

His tentacle dick is practically massaging your prostate and you’re moaning like a whore.

“Fuuuuuuuuuck kankri,” You whine and grip him tighter. 

His hands are all over your body and you’re really about to lose it. One hand is stroking your dick with nimble fingers, and the other hand is rubbing a nipple. You bite his sweater when you cum.

He strokes you down from your orgasm and starts wiping up cum with… tissues? Your eyes are still closed, body paralized with bliss.

You sigh, and are halfway surprised when you can hear your voice. You thought Kankri would have stolen it.

And then you open your eyes.

You’ve gotta admit, he’s cute. He looks like he's about to throw up at the sight of your cum, and his brows make him look constantly angry. 

“What the fuck?” You chuckle. You can still see yourself, but can he see you?

“Am I… Can you… see me?” You struggle.

He shakes his head No. 

“You stole my fucking body this time?!” 

He shrugs and avoids your eyes. You’d be a lot more upset if you weren’t still blissed out.

“Can… Can you take my voice and my body, and become like, a real human again?”

He shrugs again. He starts signing at you. As if you know sign language.

“Dude I can’t read hands. Also, you’re a fucking nerd for knowing sign language.”

He glares at you and rolls his eyes. He points at his mouth and starts mouthing words.

He points to himself. “I,” he mouths, “Don’t know,” He shrugs. “Ghost” He kind of, wiggles his hands? Whatever. 

“Okay so you don’t know ghost shit? Thats comforting.” You mutter.

Then Eridan knocks on your door, and you know its Eridan, cause he says “Cro!! Everyone could hear you jerking off!”

“How do you know I was jerking off? I could be fucking a hot chick!” You shout back and Kankri slaps you. 

“Cro if you had a hot girl in there right now I would give you 50 dollars.”

Kankri instantly glares at you with eyes that scream ‘NO’ and starts moving his fingers kind of like a mouth. Sign language? Probably.

You grin. “Open the door and open your wallet Eri!”

Kankri starts beating you up, but it’s a lot easier to avoid him when you’re invisible.

Eridan is obviously hesitant to open the door. But you see the handle start to wriggle.  
Kankri lunges at the door, gripping the handle with white knuckles. He’s probably imagining the door knob as your dick, ready to snap it off after the stunt you’ve decided to pull.

“C’mon babe let him in, don’t be shy you look beautiful like this!” You chuckle, and Kankri almost lets go of the door, in favor of smashing your skull in.

“You know what!” Eridan exclaims. “I’ve just decided I don’t care that much! Whatever you’ve got behind that door, I don’t want to see it!!”

The second Eridan's footsteps disappear, Kankri gives you murder eyes. You legitimately think he’s about to kill you. 

But he can’t see you. And he hates you for that. His eyes are yellow, almost red with anger, and his pupils are something not even close to human. Kinda reminds you of a cat. You fuckin hate cats.

He’s practically hunting you, and you are being SO SMUG about it, but he can’t even see your smug face so whats the fuckin point.

You shuffle slightly, just to give him a hint, and he pounces at the first sound he hears. His body hits yours like a train and almost knocks the window out of you. You can barely mutter ‘holy shit!’ before he wraps his hands around your throat. 

His eyes are searching your face, never quite meeting your eyes, and he’s breathing louder than a cow in labor.

It shouldn’t be hot. It shouldn’t be hot to be pinned down by a 5’2 murderous ghost troll, but it is. Wait does he have like a ghosty pheromone? That makes you horny all the time? Actually, no, you’re just a really horny man. Gotdamn you’re still sore from getting buttfucked earlier.

Kankri’s been really quiet and- wait holy shit.

“Can’t talk with your hands when they’re on me?” You struggle to say. 

He mouths ‘SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU IDIOT I HATE YOU SO FUCKING MUCH I WISH YOU HAD DIED INSTEAD OF ME’ 

You blink at him. “Damn. Does this mean we’re gonna fuck or no?”

He starts silent screaming at you again, but you’re more focused on his lips. And his teeth. He could probably bite right through your tongue with those chompers. You’re tempted to find out if he would.

You grab his face and his him hard, and he does thoroughly bite your lip. Is there blood? Ah yes, you can see a smear of blood on his lips. Your blood. On his lips. 

“I don’t think you realize how hot you are,” You mutter, ghosting your hands over his hips.

He bite your ear with enough force to make you yelp. You’re not supposed to flirt with him or whateva, but damn if thats gonna stop you.

“What, are you self-conscious, baby? Don’t be, you’re sooooo sexy- HOLy shiiiiiiit,” Your dick is grabbed with enough force to snap a twig, which was most likely his intention.

“Hell yeah, babe, a little-” Your voice hitches with his movements. “Oh! Heeelllllll yeahhhhh, mmmmmm.” 

Kankri sticks his finger in your mouth. You start sucking on them like a needy whore, which makes him physically recoil, before he sticks a sock in your mouth. It tastes like, well, a sock. Sweaty and like fabric. You assume this is his make-shift gag. You could spit it out, but being gagged and degraded is kind of hot.

He’s turning you into putty with his hands. You wonder if he played piano. Probably, he is a huge nerd after all. Your vocal chords have turned into a repeated noise of muffled ‘ooooooooohhhhh fuuuck’ and deep gutteral moans. 

Being able to look at Kankri while he jerks you off isn’t nearly as fun as you thought it would be though. He looks absolutely repulsed to be touching your cock, but he’s also blushing like a virgin. 

You try to put your hands up his sweater, but he grabs your hands with inhuman speed (I guess he isnt a human, but its still weird) He’s got your hands pinned above your head with one hand and is jerking you with the other, and your back is arched like a bitch in heat.

You’re spilling into his hand and the feeling almost makes your vision black out. Holy fucking hell. Kankri takes the sock out of your mouth awkwardly and you release a sigh of absolute bliss. He pets your hair sympathetically and wipes some of your cum away. Who would have thought Cronus Ampora was such a bottom boy.

“Don’ leave,” You mutter. It’s dumb, but it feels wrong to have him leave. You feel weight shift next to you. “It’s rude to kiss and tell. Or fuck and scram.”

He pets your hair again. Or maybe he’s just trying to fix it. You probably look freaky.

“Mmm yeah pet me, make me your little bitch boy,” You ruin the moment.

He slaps you. 

Naturally.


End file.
